Last month I made one of the most intense decisions of my life. A career change. I dropped out of a career I thought so surely I was going to pursue. I passed the interview, studied for four weeks at university, and partook in a two-week placement to realise it wasn’t the vocation for me.
I am now an unemployed graduate whose most frequently used app is Linkedin… It feels scary.
I’m going to hold back from spilling all of the finer details into this newsletter and keep that to my own private diary. But I can confidently say that I have been through a whirlwind of emotions and still coming to terms with the fact that I have left a career path that I hardly got my teeth into (it wasn’t dentistry although, that would have been a great pun!).
Something that came to the forefront of this whole experience was the pressure of knowing what to do once you leave University. At the same time, it feels like everybody around me has got that part figured out. Got the degree and following on with that, landed a swanky new job. I see posts like ‘congratulate X on their new position at Y’ on my LinkedIn feed constantly, whilst I’m here every day at my desk adjusting cover letters and scavenging for one opening that will take me.
I did what it says on the recipe. Finished University. Got the degree. Now, how do I use it? Will I use it? Will I ever use it? Does it even make any difference on my CV? As of right now, I’m not so sure anymore. Finding the perfect job at the moment feels like the equivalent of finding a four-leaf clover, getting tickets to Glastonbury, and seeing a shooting star. It feels impossible right now. Especially when job listings require five years of prior experience you don’t have as you’re only just beginning.
Rewind to when I finished Sixth form, there was pressure pushed onto my year group to go to university and if you didn’t go, it was then that you were facing the question of “what do I do now with my life”. Going to university cut that question out of the matter for a short while. “I’ll deal with that when I’m in third year.” Now I’m back in those shoes having completed my undergrad degree, and that same old question has re-introduced itself to me.
I admit I put a lot of pressure on myself to have a career all figured out once I finished my degree hence why I am now in this predicament. I rushed into a career that actually turned out to not be what I wanted to do. I now find myself back at the drawing board, quite literally, as I mindmap away what I want to get out in life, what I like to do for fun, and what my hobbies are - frantically trying to link them all together as if I’m in an episode of Death in Paradise or Line of Duty, to calculate the perfect job for me.
I felt like I was set when I knew I wanted to be a journalist from the ripe age of 13. My friends around me didn’t seem so sure about what they wanted to do and I felt so happy that I did. Now, I look back on my younger self and realise I don't think I ever entirely had that part figured out. I’m a hopeless journalist wannabe. This is why I’m here on Substack venting, writing, and living a journalism lifestyle I wish I had. It’s my only way of output that is close to journalism and I love it. I wish it was my job. I can only pretend I am the nonchalant Meryl Streep, Julie Powell, and Carrie Bradshaw memes.
At the beginning of this breakdown, I shall now call it, not knowing what to do didn’t even feel like an option sometimes. It felt like I should know what career I wanted to stick with for the rest of my life and if I didn’t then I was doomed.
But reflecting on that strange little week I had I now feel much lighter with the prospect of ‘not knowing what to do’. I’m learning to relax into it and embrace the time I have to explore that question rather than crawl back under the duvet covers and cry that I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. Bridget Jones coded right there.
I feel there is an extortionate weight on your shoulders to have it all figured out in your twenties. But I’m beginning to realise this is not true and merely impossible. Your twenties are for experimenting. You’re still so young and new to the world! It’s the perfect opportunity to make mistakes, figure out stuff, and learn from said mistakes. When I spoke to people I know about my predicament, many said they were in a similar position in their twenties and some said they’re still figuring it out! This brings me a lot of comfort that I’m not the only one who has felt this way.
I try to not get lost in this minefield of career worries and take a step back to realise what I have got. My family, boyfriend, health, friends, house, dog, the coast, and hobbies. I’m very fortunate to have all of these wonderful things to support me during this unusual time.
As they say, ‘when one door closes another one opens’. I can contend with that. I’m truly hoping that my decision of turning away from that career I thought would be the one, will open up another door for something even better and more suited to me.
To end this newsletter I’m going to confess that I am a sucker for superstitions and signs. I saw a Kingfisher for the first time in my life the other day. I took this as a sign immediately. I was walking at my local National Trust place and there it was hovering over the lake. Its shiny blue feathers were glistening in the sun and it perched on a nearby fallen tree and began cleaning itself. I was able to see this Kingfisher not just for a fleeting moment but for a long time.
I quickly grabbed my phone not long after my sighting and searched ‘the spiritual meaning of Kingfishers’ to find:
“Kingfisher sometimes arrives as a Spirit Animal when you struggle with a specific fear. Kingfisher teaches you how to invoke courage and tackle anything coming your way head-on. The fear you experience may be because of an “unknown”- something you won’t truly discover until you reach the horizon. Kingfisher Spirit reminds you, such situations can open the way to expanded consciousness. Transform fear into anticipation.” (From whatismyspiritanimal.com).
trust the magic of new beginnings
trust the timing of your life
when one door closes another opens
you’ll bloom in your own time
P.S. If you enjoyed this article you must check out these wonderful people here on Substack who cover a similar topic regarding finding a job and navigating your twenties. I absolutely enjoyed these reads, and undoubtedly needed to hear the advice they had to share!
Cheerio for now!
All my love,
Ciara <3
Ciara, the beauty of not knowing is that it opens doors only the brave dare to walk through. Keep trusting your instincts—they’ve already led you somewhere incredible
Such a relatable read! I'm 28 and I quit my job earlier this year - I'd always worked in the same industry since graduating university, but it wasn't until something big happened in my life earlier this year that I realised my career wasn't making me happy and really... I could just quit. I have NO idea what I'll do next, but as you say, I'm trying to lean into the endless opportunities that gives me instead of panicking!
Being made to feel that we must know what we want to do from a young age is so wrong. I also think it's normal to change up our careers far later into life than we both are right now! We have the freedom to try what we want, when we want. You've got this 🫶🏻 (I'll have to check out more of your writing!)