The Do It All Girl.

do it scared, alone, anxious, uncertain.

On saying yes to opportunities although you’re fearful, anxious, scared

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I think there is a slight presumption that when we say yes to new opportunities, we must only feel positive thoughts surrounding our decision or else the decision ought to be a no. There feels a certain pressure when deciding whether to say yes to something new, that you should feel excited and happy with your final decision. And if you don’t, well… it is simply not meant to be! If you mostly feel anxious to go on that girl’s trip with your girlfriends, then it’s probably best to stay at home. Come on! You should feel ecstatic about going on holiday with your girls! Are you not grateful?

Over the years I have learned that this is somewhat of a hit-and-miss perspective (I guess you could call it). I have realised that saying yes to the thrilling opportunities in life does not always come equipped with a guaranteed feeling of ‘I 100% want to do this.’ And I’m learning that this is actually okay.

Of course, there are moments when I say yes to something, and I’m filled with excitement, and an eagerness to dive in and embrace the opportunity. But then there are times when new situations bring about hesitation. Instead of feeling eager and ready to take the leap, I’m bogged down by worry and a sort of fear of what lies ahead…

And don’t forget the guilt! The guilt where I question myself if I’m being ungrateful about the opportunity to go on holiday, stay in a treehouse, or go skiing for example. I promise I am not ungrateful by any means. The problem lies with my habitual thinking habits. When a new opportunity arises I am skilled at crafting up a cocktail of “that would be fun”, mixed with “oh what if this happens”, and the two are shaken until I spiral. I can talk myself out of doing anything and everything. Trust me it’s a hobby at this point.

About that little belief I mentioned above earlier, I think it is quite alright if your new opportunities don’t arrive with the feelings you ‘think you should have’. If you are feeling somewhat nervous, or worried rather than happy, it doesn’t necessarily indicate that saying yes was the wrong decision. From what I’ve learned, the only way to find out whether saying yes was the right or wrong decision is to just go through with it. (Where is my Magic 8 Ball to tell me that my “outlook is not so good” or “it is certain”?)

Of course, sometimes you might make the wrong decision. We’ve all been there! Perhaps it was due to FOMO or pressure, but we get through it in the end and we learn. I am sure I have had my fair share of moments where I’ve regretted saying yes to something but to be honest, I think I’ve just removed those moments from my memory as I don’t really remember them!

Reflecting on when I said yes to things in the past that I wasn’t entirely sure about. I said yes to going on a school trip to France in year 7, it was my first time travelling abroad without my family and I felt physically sick at the idea of it. In the end, I wanted to stay longer once we were scheduled to go home.

I said yes to joining the gym (I know this one might sound ridiculous but the thought of joining the gym was scary to me, okay?). I had no idea what to do, what weights to lift, or how any of the machinery worked. I felt uneasy that other people would ‘sniff out’ that I had never touched my trainers on the surface of a gym floor and smirk at me as I struggled to figure out the cable machine. Currently, I attend the gym as often as I wish and with pleasure.

Now, this month I said yes to doing something quite far from my comfort zone. But trust me, in the build-up towards my decision I had all of the reasons why I shouldn’t say yes with APA style references. I was enthralled with anxiety and my mind was skewed with what if this and what if that. All I saw was tunnel vision, directing me into a dark hole, revealing the words ‘I can’t do it’.

I was giving up, months in advance. And, I don’t even think for one second I considered any of the positives I could have…

I thought to myself, why don’t I feel excited!? All I feel are the feelings of fear, worry, and anxiety bubbling to the surface.

Then, quite timely in fact, I saw this video on my Instagram feed:

wellbyshania

A post shared by @wellbyshania

“There is someone your age, experiencing their last day on earth, wishing they had the time you do. Do it alone, do it scared, do it anxious, do it for you, do it all”

Reflecting on this video, I have realised that it is okay to go forth with new opportunities with feelings of fear, worry, anxiety, loneliness, or heartache. Those feelings of happiness and joy may arrive when I get there but for now, I might just have to wait for that.

So, what if I say yes, do it fearful, and it all goes right?

So, an opportunity came to me to try something way out of my comfort zone and I took it. Rather than saying no based on feelings of worry, fear, and anxiety, I said yes because I only live once. I said yes because I want to get out of my comfort zone. I said yes because I want to experience and make new memories that I will cherish forever. I said yes because I am fortunate that I can.

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To end this newsletter I wanted to share some final musings, regarding pressure. Repeat after me. There is absolutely no pressure to have it all.

Social media quite often feels like everybody else is having fun whilst you are left at home, face-pressed against the window, yearning for what they have. The ‘do it all trend’ I mentioned above, can make us feel burned out from the demand to constantly yearn, strive, have, and do more. We could have everything we ever wanted, and social media will still make us believe we need more. This is not always true.

It’s important to take a look at the little glimmers in your life. It might be your morning walk, the greeting of a tail wag from a fluffy companion, singing in the car with your best friend, perfecting a new recipe, laughing till your belly aches, watching the sunset, seeing a full moon, feeling the winter sunshine on your face, or discovering a new coffee shop. Find comfort, joy, and gratitude within that.

When opportunities arise, try not to force yourself into doing something that you don’t want to do. But if you can, take a moment to consider the privilege you have to have these opportunities at your feet. Get comfortable with the initial feelings of fear, worry and anxiety and then run with it. Try to embrace opportunities out of your comfort zone as much as you can and if you can. Remember, no is an answer too and a perfectly good one. There might be a next time, there might not. But don’t get caught up in the overthinking of it all. So take the risk, the leap, the jump and see what happens!

I would love to hear if you guys feel the same way too. Leave a comment below and let’s have a chat over a cuppa! <3